I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
