Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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