Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
