also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
don't judge my taste in strippers
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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