When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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