The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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