i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
