I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
