cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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