can u get pink eye on your cock?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize