My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
