but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
