i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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