there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
