I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
