Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
