Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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