Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
