what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
