I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
