She's JV to your varsity
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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