So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
