Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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