I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
