We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
