Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My bed smells like the plague
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