Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
