cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
