there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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