it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
