My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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