I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In America we eat man semen.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
