i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize