Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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