they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
