By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
