Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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