I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
