he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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