Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
