So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
