so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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