the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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