I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
