Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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