He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
