there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
