you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize