he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
love makes seman taste better
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
