Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
