What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
