you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
