you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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