Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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