Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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