What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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