I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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