i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
