I wanna bring you to show and tell
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
