roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
