I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
