12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize