I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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