I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
