Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
