Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
