Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
