He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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