I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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