you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize