i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
