i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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