At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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