I must be too annoying 4 u.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
