The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
