Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize